Part 1, The Axiom
Urination, even performed in a public urinal, remains a private solo act requiring no intervention, assistance or commentary from any second party.
Part 2, The Guidelines
- Do not select a vacant urinal adjacent to an occupied one, unless no other stall is available.
- Do not engage your 'neighbour' in conversation, even if he is a friend or colleague. Nothing is so important it can't wait sixty seconds.
- On no account look left or right. Either look straight ahead or at the ceiling. Looking down can be misread as an invitation for neighbours to follow your eyes.
- Do not break the ice by saying 'This is where the big knobs hang out'. Never, OK?
- If the installation comprises three urinals and you are alone, do not select the middle one, as this could be misconstrued as a desire for company.
- If all stalls are occupied, wait at a discreet distance. There is no need to thank the first finisher.